I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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