he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
