could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
