I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
