grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
