meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
