I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So many bounce houses so little time
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
