grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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