dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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