He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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