Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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