Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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