We won't sleep together?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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