I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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