I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
