Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
