My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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