2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
