what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
