i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
