pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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