I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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