i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
