If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
