i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
