Your dad touched me again.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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