I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
