Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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