chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
