Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
