I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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