I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I would ride that face into the sunset
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
