im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
