The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
