I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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