if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
