just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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