ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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