i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
