This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
