People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
