do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
