mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
