i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
