She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He felt like a one man threesome
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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