you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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