i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
