he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
where are my pants?
in the oven.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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