Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
