Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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