drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
