Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
