I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
